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Ovid's classic advice for men, updated.
A conversation across 2000 years.
Publius Ovidius Naso
andMichael Sawyer
II AD
MMXXVI
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What follows is a conversation across centuries —
love's ancient practice, recalibrated for a new age
that espouses the values of equality, individuality,
and active assent.
From the Introduction
In the year 2 AD, the Roman poet Ovid published Ars Amatoria — a trilogy of bold, witty counsel on finding and keeping love. We might read it today as a seduction manual, or advice about "game." Two thousand years later, the potentials of attraction and connection remain constant. The fundamental human need for love hasn't changed; we still need to feel seen and accepted. We still seek and offer intimacy.
However, the world has shifted. This book re-imagines Ovid's original counsel with contemporary insight. His words appear first, followed by my reinterpretation from a modern perspective — not to correct his message, but to evolve it.
Most English commentaries translate Ars Amatoria as "the Art of Love" — but I see this as a loss of fidelity. The English word "love" is so nebulous it is almost meaningless. There are many types of affection: maternal, paternal, fraternal, philia, amore, eros, agapé, anahata, enthios, exstasis. So I went with amōre.
My main additions are the modern ideals which emancipate women from the role of "prey or target" to one that values her free agency, and a negotiated collaboration between the sexes. Look for intentional participation — more than passive consent — watch for her enthusiastic assent.
Michael's Opening
If you've struggled in love — and who hasn't — may this book open your heart so that attraction moves freely through you, naturally and with ease.
Like navigation, love has its rhythms and principles which can be learned. My intention is to offer a compass to guide us, and star-maps to align us with the foundations of affection.
I am not saying that I'm a total expert in all things related to love and sex, but I do have some insights worth sharing. Take my advice, such as it pleases and benefits you. I offer it with pure intent, with my wish for you to thrive and have all your heart's true desires.
Chapter One
Ovid speaks — 2 AD
"Alas! too great is the confidence of any youth in his own good looks, if he awaits for her to be the first to ask him. Let the man make the first approaches; let the man use words of entreaty; she will kindly receive his soft entreaties. To gain your wish, ask; she only wishes to be asked. Now is the time come for some conversation: fly afar hence, coy bashfulness, let Chance and Venus befriend the daring. Let your eloquence not be subject to any laws of mine; only make a beginning; of your own accord you will prove fluent."
Michael responds — 2026
Someone has to initiate, and yeah, it is usually still expected that the man will do so. This doesn't mean that women shouldn't initiate — in fact they often do, and typically with more subtlety. But most women still prefer the man to show initiative, because it signals real interest: "My attraction to you is strong enough that I'm willing to risk rejection."
Let your interest be clear. Eye contact that communicates attention. Words that reveal you're engaged with this person specifically, noticing details that make them distinct.
Notice what genuinely attracts you and say so. Not as strategy, but as honest observation. "You have an interesting way of thinking about that." "Your laugh is contagious." Specific compliments about qualities someone has cultivated — intelligence, humor, passion, craft — resonate more deeply than generic praise about an appearance they were born with.
Clearly ask: "Would you like to go for coffee?" Then actually listen to her response. Honor her answer even if it isn't what you hoped to hear. If she's hesitant, your willingness to back off may just create the space for her to move toward you without feeling forced.
"Express clear interest once; perhaps twice if circumstances seem genuinely complicated. Then rein in your emotions and redirect your attention. Sometimes pulling back is exactly what she needs you to do — so that she can move toward you without too much headwind."
Chapter Three
Ovid speaks — 2 AD
"Persist in your design. In time the stubborn oxen come beneath the ploughs: in time the steeds are taught to submit to the flowing reins. What is there harder than stone? What more yielding than water? Yet hard stones are hollowed out by yielding water. Only persist, and in time you will overcome Penelope herself."
Michael responds — 2026
Careful here — this is perhaps Ovid's worst advice.
It is true that women sometimes play "hard to get" in order to test whether your interest is fleeting or sustained. But repeated pursuit of someone who shows disinterest creates discomfort, not desire. Trying to wear down her resistance over time is stalking, not courting.
Legitimate attraction has a frequency that can't be faked well or sustained long. If you're drawn to someone, let that show naturally through authentic interest, curiosity, and empathy. Be genuinely interested or move on.
If someone is interested but timing is wrong, they know where to find you. Let people come toward you as much as you move toward them.
Personal Reflection — The Brighteyes
When I encounter someone who I now call a Brighteyes, our first glance is distinguished by ease and radiance. Like attracting like; our eyes are drawn together across the room.
At the next level, the world melts around us like the Cheshire Cat. Our hearts open through our eyes, like a fibre-optic live stream, and we flow back and forth into each other's perspective. Our hearts connecting, our minds reflecting, our deeper identity reaching out across the void to feel ourselves as each other.
Pro tip: see her as a verb rather than as a noun.
From the Closing Reflection
Ovid wrote for his world — strict gender roles, limited agency, seduction as conquest. We write for ours — more freedom, more complexity, more responsibility. The art of amore now centers on creating conditions where two people genuinely choose each other. Where desire flows both directions. Where pleasure is mutual and communication is clear.
The foundations remain: develop yourself, pay attention, show courage and interest. The expression evolves with each generation; hopefully toward authenticity, empathy, and collaboration.
— ✦ —
A conversation two thousand years in the making.
Ovid's ancient counsel, answered by a modern voice
shaped by philosophy, heartache, and hard-won wisdom.
Coming Soon